There are many sports in Britain. Football, cricket, snooker, queueing. But behind the counter of a cosy pub there is another discipline that never makes it onto television: the competitive bar towel flick.
The setting is perfect. Polished wood, shiny beer taps lined up like soldiers, warm lamps and those beautiful old painted mirrors advertising rum and Scotch behind the bar. A blonde bartender is quietly polishing glasses, minding her own business, while her colleague in a grey jumper prepares his attack.
It starts innocently. A towel over the shoulder, a casual glance, the classic I am just cleaning look. Then, with the precision of a professional, the first flick lands. She does not even flinch. She has clearly worked in this pub long enough to know that every quiet moment between rushes is a potential battlefield.
Her counterattack is swift and merciless. Towels fly, laughter breaks out, and suddenly the cleanest bar in Richmond becomes the stage of a slow-motion duel. Somewhere a regular at the end of the counter lifts his pint, completely used to this, and keeps reading his newspaper.
And then comes the ending nobody expected. The bearded bartender looks into the camera with the expression of a man who has lost, while she hides behind a sheet of paper with a hand-drawn smiley face on it. No explanation is given. None is needed. The smiley has won, and the smiley will always win.
This is why people love local pubs. Not only for the ale and the crisps, but for the staff who make a Tuesday shift feel like a sitcom. You come in for one pint and leave with a story about the towel war you witnessed between the taps.
For the record, we would like to see this added to the next pub quiz. Question one: what is the correct wrist angle for a perfect towel flick? Question two: who drew the smiley? Bonus question: who is cleaning up afterwards?
So, is it a sport? It has competition, technique, a referee who pretends not to see anything and a clear winner. We think the answer is yes. Somebody please organise the first championship, preferably with free crisps.
Don’t stop, friend, keep surfing!
